I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
