He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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