So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Mom said you looked used
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
