After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I will be naked everywhere
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
