There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
