Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
