there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
