Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
