I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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