Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
