you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
