omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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