I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
