I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
