remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
