I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
