OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
