I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
