Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
