Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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