ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
