What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
