$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
