good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
