thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish you could order shots online.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am naked and annoyed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize