your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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