just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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