i don't like sucking hair
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
