I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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