Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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