dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
