I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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