New invention idea: vibrating tampons
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
