Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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