Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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