when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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