I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
