U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
