i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
