Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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