I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
