Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
