the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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