i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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