he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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