He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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