guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
