Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
