I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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