do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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