i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
