Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
