and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
