Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
