her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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