question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
