So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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