Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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