There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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