Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The ass gains better be worth it
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