you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
