I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
