Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize