How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
