Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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