NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
