his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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